Young People Share Their Experiences
Of Growing Up With Gay Parents
Gabriela Herman
is asked people with one or more gay parents about how it has affected them.
posted on Jun. 30, 2015, at 2:54
p.m.
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| Lynzy Billing |
The US Supreme Court ruling on marriage equality came after years of intense
debate about the merits of same-sex parenting.
During
the ongoing debates about same-sex marriage, one subject routinely arises:
children. Judges, activists, and academics have been locked in a search for
evidence of how having gay parents affects a child’s family life.
“For
the past four years, I have been photographing and interviewing subjects who
were raised by one or more gay parents. Their experiences are wide-ranging.
Some were adopted, some conceived by artificial insemination. Many are children
of divorce. They were raised in urban areas, the rural Midwest, and all over
the map. They juggled silence and solitude with a need to defend their families
on the playground, at church and at holiday gatherings. Here are their
stories.”
– Gabriela Herman
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Zach Wahls, who was raised in Iowa by his two moms. Gabriela Herman / gabrielaherman.com
“€œI think the operative word in describing our family is not LGBT, it’s
in family. If you look at the vast majority of things that define who
my moms are, or who my family is, it’s really no more accurate to say
that my moms are gay married, than to say they are Packers-fan married,
or work-in-healthcare married. They’re both really just about as
accurate in describing who my moms are.” – Zach Wahls
Lauren Harper, who was raised in Kansas City, Missouri, by her mom and dad. Her dad came out when she was 7. Gabriela Herman / gabrielaherman.com
“The fact that my parents were divorced way overshadowed the fact that
my dad was gay. I think it’s great for [my son] because he’s growing up
with two grandpas and will never know the difference. My dad is not more
of a grandpa than [my dad’s partner]; he’s growing up with both of
them, at the same time, they’re both equally as much grandpas.” – Lauren
Harper
Mark Snyder, who was raised in Pennsylvania by his mom and his dad. His dad came out when Mark was in college. Gabriela Herman / gabrielaherman.com
“My dad is gay. He’s still really in the coming-out process right now. I
had an inclination that my dad was gay from the very beginning of time.
I always knew I was queer, which helps. I would see early on in my
childhood, my father using the same behaviours to conceal femininity
that I did, like he would uncross his legs or he would stop talking with
his hands.” – Mark Snyder
Dori Kavanaugh, who was raised in New Jersey by her dad and mom. Her mom came out when Dori was 8. Gabriela Herman / gabrielaherman.com
“I slowly started to come out to people [about my mom] after college. It
went from like a fourth- or fifth-date conversation to like a
first-date conversation.” – Dori Kavanaugh
Aaron
Sachs, who was raised in Berkeley, California, by his two moms and,
after their separation when he was 7, by his mothers and stepfather. Gabriela Herman / gabrielaherman.com
“My moms split up when I was about 7, because my biological mom fell in
love with a man. I knew my family was different, but it wasn’t
weird-different, it was just a different kind of family.
– Aaron Sachs
Elizabeth Castellana, who was raised in Boston by her mom and dad; he came out when she was in college.
Gabriela Herman / gabrielaherman.com
“He said, ‘It’s time for me to confront my identity’ and I asked ‘Are
you gay?’ and he says ‘Well, I haven’t had any experiences to be sure.’
And I think the next words out of my mouth were, ‘Dad, I’m pretty sure
you’re gay.’” – Elizabeth Castellana
Lucas Goodwin, who was raised in Gainesville, Florida, by his divorced dad and mom. His mom came out when he was 15. Gabriela Herman / gabrielaherman.com
“My mom being gay was always really easy for me to accept because I was
brought up in a way to accept all people. It was unusual, but it wasn’t
hard at all. If the situation was worse for my mom, if it was harder to
be gay than it is for her, then I probably would be more determined to
fight for her rights.” – Lucas Goodwin
Hope Steinman Iacullo, raised in New York City by her two dads. Gabriela Herman / gabrielaherman.com
“I knew that there was other structures of families because I would see
my friends’ families and my aunts and uncles, and I knew that people had
something called a mother that I didn’t necessarily have, but I didn’t
really think that I was so much in the minority. I wondered about my
birth family and my birth mother in particular, but in terms of my own
development, I don’t feel like I suffered because of it. I think that my
parents did a fantastic job of helping to raise me to be a strong
woman, but in terms of that question about where did I come from –
sometimes I still wonder that, and then other times it just kinda
disappears in terms of its importance.” – Hope Steinman Iacullo
Moshe Alpert, raised in upstate New York by his two moms. Gabriela Herman / gabrielaherman.com
“Me and my moms have always been super close, but of course there was
that young teenage phase of hating her. But now she’s like my rock and
always there for me. I love her.” – Moshe Alpert
Jamie Larsen, raised outside Chicago by her mom and various partners. Gabriela Herman / gabrielaherman.com
“I was raised by my mom and her different partners, but a lot of her
past partners and friends were in my life, to the extent that I feel I
was raised by a lot of different women.” – Jamie Larsen
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